brave.

please tell me we all saw this SNL sketch from a few months ago? because its kind of brilliant. the song in and of itself is brilliant (read the lyrics here), and then these people walking around saying what we're all thinking is brilliant. why don't we as humans actually do this?

personally, i never say anything. i never say no, and i never stand up for myself. and its kind of eating me alive lately. so maybe i'll just make like an SNL cast member and start saying whats on my mind? (just kidding i won't but its a nice thought to publish on the internet isn't it?)

no but for real, it works.

nearly a year ago, after seeing tons upon tons of posts about the it works company, i decided to try out the products. i started taking the greens because lets be real i don't eat anything green ever. i started noticing a huge difference in my energy level and just how i felt overall. this summer i added thermofit to my routine as well, and then i was completely convinced. this stuff really DOES work. i thought. and i thought. and i thought some more (all the while talking to christa bratcher who's posts inspired me to try the products in the first place). then finally on halloween i decided to take the plunge and sign up as a distributor. i haven't talked a TON about it because honestly, i don't want to be "that" person thats just constantly and always posting about it. its just not in my personality. but, i will be posting about it a little because these products are just too good to not talk about. i'm going to post a little bit about each of the products i use personally, and if you're interested in talking to me more about it works; please please please don't hesitate to call, text, message, carrier pigeon, whatever to get more info.

1. the famous wrap.

ironically, i didn't really give wrapping a try until after christmas...after i had been using other products for almost a year and technically been a distributor for three months. oops. but, the wrap isn't messing around. below are my personal wrap results. the left picture is before the wrap, middle is 24 hours after the first wrap, and the third is 24 hours after my second wrap.

2. greens and thermofit.

two scoops of greens in water or juice and drink it. boom. 8 servings of fruits and vegetables. done and done. my favorite part about the greens is how i feel overall since starting to use them.  same with thermofit. life on the road is hectic and crazy and busy and there are long days and not always the best food options around (looking at you fair season). by taking greens and thermofit, i know i'm putting at least two things in my body each day that will help boost my energy and metabolism.

3. stretch mark cream.

pretty sure this stuff is made of liquid gold or something. i'm not even finished with my first tube of it and i can notice a significant difference in my stretch marks. and, when i was at the beach earlier this month and crazy sunburned, i used stretch mark cream on my sunburn twice a day and it soothed my sunburn tremendously. i also didnt peel (the only day i peeled was a day on the road when i accidentally left my stretch mark cream at home). i'm not sure if the stretch mark cream is actually supposed to help with things like sunburn, but i'm just saying desperate times call for desperate measures and it helped me out a ton.

my website is beccafarriswraps.myitworks.com if you want to look at all of the products and learn a little more about them!

plato's closet soapbox.

DISCLAIMER: if you work for plato's closet or are a loyal customer or for some reason just really love that place, do NOT read this. it will probably make you pretty mad. 

i'm writing this as i stand in plato's closet and wait for two teenagers to go through my clothing, and for me to inevitably get angry with said teenagers. if you're my facebook friend or follow me on twitter, you've probably seen me rant about my hatred of this place. i keep giving this place second and third chances to redeem themselves, but as i'm enduring my 40 minute sentence of "in store drop off", i'm walking around and met with all of the reasons they just keep making me angry.

1. brand names (or lack thereof).
this place advertises that it sells quality brand name clothing. i'm not sure who deamed walmart, target, and kohls brands as "name brand", but they are seriously delusional. furthermore rue21, forever 21, and charlotte russe are not name brand either. don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with these places (okay except rue21 but that's another post entirely) it's just a little false to advertise name brand things when the majority of the stock comes from these places. 

i would love to judge the brand of these leggings but its been cut out. REALLY. also no one should buy leggings here when we can all go to forever 21 and buy a rainbow of leggings brand new for $5 each. also i know too many people that don't wear undies with leggings so definitely don't buy them used. 

2. quality.
in addition to the false brand advertising, platos says it only takes new or gently used clothing. however, as i'm lapping this place, most of the clothing isn't even in decent condition. items are awkwardly stretched out or stained and a lot of the shoes are in seriously gross condition. 

this pair of well loved off brand toms could be yours for the low price of $15. 

these UGGs had stains ALL over. the sole was completely worn. and they smelled. but you can buy them for $40.

 

this grey pair of UGGs were in the same condition as the ones above, but they are the tall version. so you can get them for $45.

off brand foot fungus that can be yours for $10.

3. prices.
considering the above information, most of the items in plato's should be priced at a dollar. but no. plato's offers their customers the distinct privilege of coming to their store and paying $10 for a pair of two year old forever 21 jeans that are currently priced at $9 in stores. isn't that sweet of them? i pay full price for maybe 1-3 items in my closet per year, but otherwise i'm shopping the sales hardcore. most of my gap jeans cost me $8 in store. brand new. most of my jcrew and gap tshirts cost about $15 in the store. BRAND NEW. so why am i currently staring at a pair of hello kitty brand (WHAT) jeans that cost $12? 

i feel like this tshirt perfectly captures the plato's closet demographic. and the fact that anyone would buy this tshirt in the first place. and the fact that they're trying to sell it for $5 when the original owner probably paid $1 for it. (because everything i have ever bought from wet seal has literally been $1)

hello kitty jeans that i mentioned. these jeans have an actual hello kitty pattern, too. not real life.

a pair of gap jeans that i actually tried on in store this spring. when i could have bought them new for SIX DOLLARS. literally. i'm not lying. but they're priced at $15 at plato's.

4. the inventory isn't on trend.
this is really just the result of accepting bargain "brands" that do their best to mimic the trends but usually just end up barely missing the mark.
  
5. they never take my stuff.
considering the above information, one would think that if you brought in actually gently used actual name brand clothing that's on trend, they would snatch it all up in a heartbeat. but no. my 7FAM jeans and never worn gap shirts consistently get rejected. 

this trip to plato's i took two medium size bags of shirts, pants, and scarfs. probably about 25ish items. they took 8 (i can only remember 7 items though-oops): 

a pair of 7FAM cords (paid $30 new in store, they will sell for $25ish)

a pair of joes jeans (paid $30 new in store, they will sell for $25ish)

a pair of zara jeans (paid $25 new online, they will sell for $20ish)

an old navy dress (paid $14 new in store, they will sell for $15ish)

an old navy popover shirt (paid $10 new in store, they will sell for $10ish)

an h&m linen tshirt (paid $5 new in store, they will sell for $8ish)

a gap "pure" long sleeve tshirt (paid $15 new online, they will sell for $15ish)

all of my items were worn one to two times and in excellent condition. they gave me $34.50 and (from what i saw things priced at today in store) will turn around and sell them used for about what i paid for them new. which blows my mind. 

why is this place in business? why did i see so many adults in there today? i'm not even a coupon-er or a super cheap-o; i just love a good deal, and pride myself on finding them. but its not like i try THAT hard. if a person is willing to sort thru racks and racks of used clothing that isn't even fairly priced, i don't understand why someone wouldn't be willing to sort through sale racks of brand new things. that are cheaper than the used stuff!

i will most likely continue to complain about platos closet until something changes. not that i'm all about taking a company down, but i kinda want this company to go down. unless you're trying to sell clothes to them, they really offer no benefits to the consumer that goodwill and salvation army don't offer. the only "benefit" i can see to shopping here as opposed to another thrift store is that the inventory is more tailored to people who try to be on trend. but i would be willing to bet you can find stuff at goodwill that is more on trend and in better condition if you give yourself time to look and dig.

if you're reading this and you shop there, please stop. and let me teach you about shopping sales and getting good quality items for cheap. or let me direct you to the many facebook groups of people selling their old stuff or the multiple apps of people selling their stuff. the items you'll find in these outlets, as opposed to plato's, will almost always be of better quality, condition, and price. 

name change.

when i started this blog 2ish years ago, i came up with the (incredibly cheesy) title "letting the journey begin" because at that point i was letting go of all of the post college plans i had for myself and embracing uncertainty and essentially unemployment. up until that moment, i couldn't see past "the plan" long enough to think that maybe there was something else out there for me besides children's ministry via seminary.

well now a couple of years later i'm married and have a job that i never really thought existed, let alone thought was within the realm of possibility for me to have. and honestly, i think back to when i started this thing and want to punch myself a little. letting the journey begin? really becca? could you BE anymore righteous? yes i was taking a step in the right direction of "letting go", but if you have known me for more than .5 seconds, you know that i can't let go of anything nor was i actually letting go at that point. my letting go mainly came from the fear of student loans (which i'm proud to say i still don't have).

it also isn't a coincidence that this blog name change comes in the weeks after first reading this. this article has really gotten into my brain and changed the way that i look at a lot. there have been several points in my life where i felt like if i didn't use #blessed to describe a situation or an outcome, then i was a crappy christian. (christians are really great with the peer pressure aren't they?) so in an attempt to rid my brain of christian peer pressure and buzzwords, i decided to make my blog slightly more real. i really enjoy writing, but i don't always want to write about the "heavy" stuff, and i felt like the old blog name didn't really leave a ton of room for fun…which leads me to the new name.

i've been agonizing over changing the name of my blog for a very long time. finally, i sat down at my computer two days ago and forced myself to do it. i picked up my phone and started browsing my music library and within 2 seconds came across one of my favorite songs from the musical, "wicked." if you don't know anything about wicked, then i'm sorry you're not living your life correctly (just kidding. mostly). without going into too much detail and turning this post into a summary of the best musical to ever exist, i'll just say this: elphaba is very unique and though her new friend glinda has just spent the last 5 minutes prancing around and celebrating how she's going to make elphaba popular, elphaba realizes she will never fit the mold of "that girl" and like any good musical she then sings a song about it. though i don't have green skin, i have always thought of myself as an elphaba, and very anti "that girl."
i don't know how to take a selfie.
i don't/dont know how to accessorize.
i hate washing my hair and putting on makeup.
i don't gush over my husband on social media.
i don't hashtag everything…or anything at all for that matter.
those are just the examples that pop into my mind first. and i'm not saying there is anything wrong with girls who do any or all of these things, i'm just pointing out the obvious that i am very much not like that. i never have been and i never will be. (most people would put #sorrynotsorry right there. and i'm not going to do that. because i'm not that girl. get it?)

so there you have it. hopefully this is the first step in accomplishing some of the things on this list.
(yes, its practically april and i haven't really made a dent in any of these things. whoops.)

new year, new me. NOT.

i've always been really bad at new years resolutions for the same reason i'm bad at giving things up for lent. my brain always sets out to do the opposite of what i set out to do. so therefore, i stopped attempting resolutions a long long time ago.

however, 2013 was overall a kind of terrible year. so now that we're in the first few weeks of a new calendar year, i decided i should document some of the things i would like to do at least consider doing this year. you know, a proactive approach to make this year different than last. maybe none of these things will happen, but hey. its the thought that counts right?

1. blogging.
yes, i'm aware that this post is occurring on a blog. but when i say i want to blog this year, i mean i want to blog actual content on an actual platform that isn't beccasxangaatblogspot.blogspot.com. my favorite part of each day is perusing my favorite blogs. i mostly follow fashion blogs--i love fashion, even though my daily wardrobe may not give you that impression. i also love getting good clothing for cheap. i kinda sorta pride myself on it. so that being said, i would like to have some sort of blog cataloging my clothing and deals. even if i'm the only one who reads it, it would be nice to have all of that information in one place. for no other reason than i rarely outfit repeat. which brings me to number 2..

2. confidence.
as i stated above, i have this weird thing where i refuse to outfit repeat. and when i say i don't outfit repeat, i don't outfit repeat within situations. i may wear the same outfit twice, but never to the same place or around the same people. and this outfit repeating thing is a small part of my overarching confidence issue. i'm a big big dork. and i'm very shy in new situations for much longer than i should be at this point in my life. this needs to be corrected. like, within the next week corrected considering i'm starting a new job a week from tomorrow. i need to realize and decide that the things i think "everyone" care about aren't actually even remotely close to what people care about. i think i'm the only one that cares to the extent i do about what i wear (and how often), what my makeup looks like, and the level of grease in my hair. and if more people care about those things than i know about, please let me know so i can cease working on getting over those things.

3. friendship.
this weird thing happens in your 20s: you get really lazy with your friendships. or maybe i just did. and i hate it. it wasn't something i did on purpose, but life just kind of takes over you know? i have some really great friends. i talk about it often. i could sit here and list them all of but that would take far too long. my point is, in a dream world, i could just fill all of my days with hanging out with my friends. sadly, work and jobs get in the way. so i really want to gear my mind to be more intentional with my friends. more skype and facetime. more dinner and coffee. more happy hours. more ice cream. more walks and hikes. more girl trips. more group trips. more playdates. whatever it takes to be more intentional with people. when the beatles sang "i get by with a little help from my friends," they weren't joking. i need my friends. my life is better when i get to spend time and invest in them. so if you're my friend and you don't have time for me to be intentional in our friendship, just stop talking to me and i'll get the picture…

4. marriage.
i won't go into too much detail here because well, its my marriage and not y'alls. but i will say, i want to be more intentional in my marriage as well. be a better listener, stop caring about trivial things, laugh more, etc. i'm thankful i have marty as my husband. i'm willing to bet money that up until this point he's read this post and has been brainstorming ways to help me and support me in doing these things i want to do. you're a sweet man, martin.

5. stop treating scandal like its real life.
thats actually a joke. i just needed a number 5 for my borderline OCD. #olitzforever.

george ed.

let me start this off by saying that if my dad ever gets wind of the fact that i wrote a blog about my grandad's death, he may shoot me. so there's that.



death is a funny thing isnt it?

when my grandmother died, it was a fairly quick and unexpected process. we knew she was sick, we just didnt know how sick. i was a hot mess. a train wreck to be more accurate. i cried for months. MONTHS. my mimi was just the best. i wont elaborate too much more on that sweet lady, because frankly this blog post isnt about her, but just know she was awesome. and i'm sad everyone didn't get the chance to know her (but i'm also glad i didnt have to share her with many).

but yesterday, when my precious grandad (george edwin daniels) passed away, i knew it was coming. and i'm still a train wreck.
but its different.
i'm having a really difficult time expressing my sadness, because so much of my sadness is grounded in thankfulness that we had the time that we did. when marty and i were on our honeymoon, i got a phone call telling me that the doctors had given grandad about two weeks. talk about trainwreck. i couldnt breathe. we almost left disney world-DISNEY WORLD-to come home to be with him. we ended up staying, and i prepared myself for THE goodbye upon our return. ends up though, my stubborn grandad rallied, and he made it 8 more months in this world than originally expected.

these last 8 months have been so sweet. strange, but sweet. it was hard to sit at cracker barrel on thanksgiving morning knowing it was the last time we did that. it was upsetting to go to fazolis for his birthday, knowing that would be the last birthday party. i almost cried all through christmas morning breakfast because i was so happy to sit there with him, and so sad i wouldnt ever get to again. we even celebrated my birthday early with them at hospice, and had those typical "on the night you were born" conversations. but it was the last time.

even leaving hospice after each visit was hard towards the end. you can read all the information about what "the end" looks like, but its so different for each person. you also can never really tell whats going on in someone's mind, and i'm a firm believer that in situations like my grandad's, being ready to die is an important step.

each hello went the same:
hey grandad!!
hey sweetheart, how are you doing?
i'm fine, grandad, how are YOU doing?
oh i'm fine, honey, just fine. where's marty? is he at work? (my memaw and grandad LOVE marty. LOVE him)

we would chit chat about my day with the kiddos, or try and solve the puzzle on wheel of fortune, or just sit. he would hold my hand tight, or just sit there and pat it (which drove me crazy as a kid). i never stayed too long, which i regret. i'm a weenie. a big weenie. and the reality of the situation always caught up with me and i never wanted him to see me crying.

each goodbye went the same too:
grandad, i gotta go get ready for bed. i love you.
i love you honey. you tell marty i said hi and to come see me.
of course grandad. i'll come see you soon. i love you.
i love you sweetheart.

i wish i had a recording of those i love yous. my grandad had a very distinct, strong, southern voice. even has his voice got weaker, and he was barely able to talk, it was distinct, strong, and comforting.

i could go on and on with story after story about the extremely stubborn and ornery, but also sweet and gentle and playful man that was my grandad, but i think my memaw said it best yesterday morning when marty and i got to hospice. "he was a sweet grandad, who loved you more than you can know." and she's so right. he really was a sweet grandad. and he really did love me. even in the handful of times that he yelled at me for doing something that he thought i was doing wrong, (my favorites are the time he didnt understand what seminary or children's ministry was, and when i made marty hang his own clothes up the week after we got married) i never once wondered if he really did love me. i wish i could bottle up and keep forever the look of joy in his eyes whenever my sister and i walked through the door. i wish i could just hear one more "now, honey" or "there's grandad's girl." i would give anything to get my leg patted or pinched or anything else he did to pick on us.

he was a sweet grandad. and he loved me more than i could know. and i loved him more than he could know, too.

i love you grandad, i'll come see you soon.

25 before 25

25 Things I Want Before I Turn 25.
(in no specific order)

1. lose 10 pounds
2. learn to cook
3. learn to grocery shop
4. become crafty
5. make all the cute house-y things i've pinned on pinterest
6. become creative
7. decorate my apartment all cute and adorable like i want it to be according to pinterest
8. have style like all my pinterest boards
9. have the closet to make that style happen
10. a place to live with my husband without a roommate (sorry scott)
11. a household budget that is followed
12. money in my savings account
13. both of our cars paid off
14. my gap card paid off
15. my stress level to decrease
16. my dream job to fall into my lap like its seemed to for everyone else on my facebook feed
17. the ability to stop comparing myself to everyone else
18. the sorcerer's stone so everyone i love can live forever
19. the ability to think deep thoughts again
20. a day of conversations that dont include poopy diapers
21. better discernment
22. all of my friends to move back to nashville (and for my favorite married couple -who i may or may not look up to and want to be when i grow up-to not take their cutie babies that i'm obsessed with and love more than anything to denver and leave me and marty crying)
23. steadfast faith that i rely on 11145858%
24. a deeper walk with Jesus (cheesy, i know, but i'm always failing big time)
25. maturity to not make silly lists like this the week before my birthday

whiny.

i cannot even lie.

every time i end a "season" (i find it very trite to refer to periods of time during your life as "seasons", but no one has invented a new word for it yet so i have to use it), i think to myself, "whew! that was the worst! at least things will never be that bad again!"

and then guess what happens? the next "season" is WORSE.
i know i'm a little dramatic, but this is the truth. at least since i decided to not follow my life plan and move to wake forest the other fall ago. don't get me wrong, i'm happy and i feel blessed, but geez. can't a girl get a break?

i think a lot of this has to do with that age old quote, "comparison is the thief of joy." (google is telling me that theodore roosevelt said this, which makes me hate myself a little more because i thought it was a proverb. some seminary student i am.) roosevelt was a genius in my book for saying this, though i'm not quite sure what he had to be upset about. he was a great hunter and he bushwacked his way through panama for that canal. and then there's that small detail of being the youngest and one of the best presidents. i'm thinking he was pretty set and had much to be joyful about. (also, lets talk about his sweet mustache. that in and of itself was an accomplishment)

i, however, am not. and its mostly because comparing has stolen my joy.
it seems like everyone i grew up with or went to college with has their s**t together-buying houses, having babies (not that i want one of those); and i'm just over here all like "hey i quit following my dream and i teach two year olds how to pee in the potty." its awful.

and i know i'm good at my job and i know i have lots to be proud of, but when you compare it to everyone else i'm a total loser. and if you know me in the least you know i cant stand losing. can NOT stand it. i'm so tired of seeing all of these people just being handed jobs, when i feel like i've been working my rear end off to be this well rounded person and its gotten me NO WHERE. what gives? yes, i know that God is in the middle of all of this, but he could say "hey"every once in a while because i'm over here stressed out and floundering.

thats all. the purpose of this post was only to whine.

oh and i'm thinking of starting a fashion blog. like a look for less type deal. because currently the thing i'm most proud of are my 5 pairs of 7 for all mankind jeans that were all really cheap.
this is my life people.
feel free to compare it and let it boost your joy.
i'll be over here potty training some kids.
living the dream.

2012.

clearly, i'm not as cut out to be a blogger as i once thought i was, considering its been since march that i've even logged into this thing. i don't know about y'all, but i just don't have a ton to say. and what i do  "need" to say, i can usually sum up into 140 characters or less. if its more than that, i can usually cut it down to a succinct facebook post. however, now as the year is ending, my head is swimming with an inappropriate number of deep thoughts for my twitter and facebook accounts. (i sort of pride myself on keeping things light and comedic on social media. no one wants a debbie downer filling their feeds, you know? though i will admit, i have been whiney and complain-y the last few months. but hopefully with a bitting sarcastic overtone that covers the whines.)

with that being said, when i think about 2012, i dont think about specific memories. lets be honest, most of my year kind of led up to one major life event. and all of the things surrounding august 11 make me a little teary eyed. i think the rascal flatts' song "here" perfectly summarizes the emotional rollercoster that i felt this last year to be. this year has definitely been all about love. so many people love marty and i, and as trite as it sounds, we are truly blessed to be so surrounded by encouraging and loving people who take care of us and help us pursue the best things in life. i went to FIVE bridal showers/parties in our honor. and we invited almost 800 people to our wedding, of which almost 350 attended. thats a big deal.

however, dont read this and think that i look back at this year and only see butterflies and roses, because i dont at all. this has been one of the most challenging and difficult years of my life. it has just seemed like nothing has gone right at all. i started my attempt at blogging because my life was going in a 10000% unplanned direction, so i guess this year was just par for the course. but, when i look back at this last year-the friends i have, the marriage i have, the job i have-all of it, i can honestly say today, on the last day of the year, that i am happy. had my life gone a different direction a year or two ago, i wouldnt have all of the things (people/friendships) that i value most. and thats how you measure wealth, right?

bring it on 2013. i think i'm ready to take you on.

weather.

i really cant put into words what warm weather does for my soul. don't get me wrong i can totally get on board with what every season has to offer, but the warm ones are where im happiest-especially the transition seasons. that first moment in early october when it's no longer humid and the leaves begin to change and the moment in march (or february this year) when it's warm enough to just be outside, those have got to be my favorites. it's in those moments, i know god is preparing my heart for another great season of life.

if you know me even a little, you know im ridiculously nostalgic and i love going down memory lane. the beginning and ending of the different seasons is always such a time of reflection for me of where ive been, where i went, and where i can go. and every single significantly amazingly happy thing has happened in my life during these moments.

i was blessed to get to spend all of yesterday looking at a lake. and if anything stirs up reflection for me, it's large bodies of water. bonus points if mountains are near (which they are here). ive spent the whole day playing with eli and thinking back to so many summer memories. i miss the past. i miss the days when i thought i had everything figured out. but in the midst of all of my confusion and fear about the future, god is always there, painting this picture, and reminding me whos bigger.

so, i get four paychecks now.

i've come to the realization that sending resumes and applying for jobs has become a more of a hobby rather than an actual productive activity. for starters, when you read a job description and it sounds like its something you want to do, you get excited. your emotions get involved, you start planning what your life would be like once you've gotten the job, etc. but then, of course, whomever you sent your resume/application to doesnt feel the need to even ackowledge that you exist on this earth, let alone could possibly be qualified for their open position. so then you get upset and hurt and all of those things. but, if sending your resume is just a hobby, then its just something else you've done that day instead of something potentially life changing. hopes dont get high, resulting in a completely happy disposition 82% of the time.

you might say, "82%? thats a pretty high number for someone who's college degree cost more than most houses and who is now making less than a high schooler that works at abercrombie. how are you 82% happy?"

well, i'll tell you (these are in no particular order):
1. my parents are somehow, by some miracle, still letting me live rent-free. my only bills are for my gap credit card, my phone, and my car. and 2 of those bills i pay to actual companies, the other i pay to my parents. because again, they rock and bought my car for me so i dont have to be in real debt.

2. i get to get married in like, 5 months. which is awesome enough it gets a sub list:
a. have you met marty? its kind of impossible to not be a little happy around him if you know him.
b. we just bought a mattress since both of ours have that huge "we havent flipped our mattress enough" hole in the middle of them. so i'm excited to get to sleep on my new mattress.
c. we get to combine both of our really tiny and small incomes to make one slightly live-off able income.
d. if i want to leave my house at 1 AM and go to waffle house, i will get to do so without disturbing anyone and/or getting yelled at upon my return. (this is unless i dont invite marty. he would probably be upset if i did such a thing without him)
e. i can make a grocery list. because lets be honest, i really only eat think thin bars, oatmeal, cheerios, and starbucks breakfast sandwiches. i can remember those things without a list. but i think marty likes to eat real food.

3. all four of my jobs rock. again, meritting a sub list.
a. starbucks, which basically deserves an entire post devoted to all of the things i love about working here. i'll keep it brief and summarize to these things: i work with/see all of my favorite people. i get to drink caffeine all day long. i get to run my mouth and chat all day about random stuff because its part of my job.
b. fbc. yes, i still work at church. i cant get away. no need to explain why i love fbc. i think its been public knowledge since 2008.
c. ainsleigh and xavier. they're 8 year olds that i get to treat like the extra set of little baby siblings i never got to have. we laugh together, and fight like we're related. and they're a great excuse to have sweet ceces on tuesdays and thursdays (except during lent of course).
d. spring tour nanny. this is the one most people probably dont know about yet. brief summary: one of marty's friends plays bass for a christian artist who's husband is in her band who needs a nanny for her kid while they're on spring tour. so basically, i play with an 18 month old all day long and read books while he's asleep. all on a tour bus, all over the country.

4. all four of my friends rock. so i probably have more friends than that. maybe not, idk. the point is, i have great friends. end of story.

so thats how i can remain 82% happy whilst living a post grad life making zero money, doing none of the things i had thought i'd be doing by now. obviously, nothing is perfect and sometimes things go wrong, which accounts for the other 18% of happiness. but thats where my gap credit card comes into play, hence why i could have probably purchased a small island in the carribean with the amount of money i've thrown at the gap in retail therapy since i got that thing.

recently.

i'm just going to throw this out there...job searching SUCKS.
i feel like i've been baited, hooked, and released so many times in the last few weeks. i'm trying so hard to be patient and trust, but boy oh boy is it difficult.

i'm just ready to grow up.
this whole last year, when i was waiting around and gearing up for this epic life changing move that didnt happen, made me feel so awkward about my life. i was in such an in between that i became restless and resentful. well, that epic life changing move didnt happen, and here i sit still feeling awkward and stuck. it seems like the solution should be easy. i have a teaching degree (and  have the certification to accompany it), so why dont i just teach? and if i have to answer that question one more time, i will probably start pulling my hair out. the thought of teaching gives me an ulcer. its not my calling. dont get me wrong, i LOVED being in the classroom during all of our clinicals, internships, student teaching, and all those other 1000s of classroom hours during my time at samford.

but lets be real, i really just wanted to be those kids best friend and i thrived off of the position of half-authority we had in the classroom. i didnt have to punish anyone, i could just be their bff. and thats how i know my heart is in ministry, because my passion is relationship building/sustaining, NOT discipline and structure and all the gross stuff that goes along with being a typical classroom teacher.

i'm still not quite sure what i want my official "career" to be. i am beginning to think i always want to have my hand in several different "buckets", because i love being busy and i love having lots of variety in my life. i do know this though: the world needs to get a better grip on this whole philosophy of "you need experience so thats why we arent hiring you." how in the hee haw do you expect me to get experience if you dont give me experience?!

wenches.

in other news, i had the pleasure of spending the 22nd anniversary of miss emily grace goins' birth with her in good ole fayetteville, arkansas.
what a stinking fantastic day that was.

the catfish hole..and arkansan must apparently!

becca's first catfish eating experience!

AND martin had a birthday, too! he's an old man. sorta.

get it....2 and 6....26!

we celebrated at chuy's with coordinated outfits, my parents, and the green chile super hero man. classy.

for the record, i feel very blessed through all of this awkward.
as franny says, "in the middle of my little mess, i forget how big i'm blessed."

the great job search of 2011

when i decided to quit my full time seminary student career before it started, i more or less had a panic attack about what my "job" would be. i mean, i love love LOVE working at the bucks, but lets be real-i can't do that the rest of my life.

at one point in this process, i had options. almost too many options.
and now i havent heard a peep from anyone, in almost a week.

so, in short,
HHHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP.

boo pig.

(according to urban dictionary)
woo pig sooie: the main cheer shouted by fans of the university of arkansas razorbacks. generally, this is said three times, followed by "razorbacks". this is known as "calling the hogs."

ever since my best friend, emily grace goins, decided she would be moving to fayetteville, arkansas to begin her ph.d. program; i've been saying "woo pig" just about every time the subject came about in conversation. its really just a coping mechanism, though, seeing as every time the subject of the university of arkansas comes up in conversation, my stomach drops. woo pig nothing. boo that stupid pig for being the school to offer my super duper extra smart best friend the most money. why couldn't dumb tennessee "volunteer" her more money than arkansas. or even that ridiculous kentucky wildcat. but nnooo. the stupid pig, in the middle of no-mans-land, arkansas had to be the best option. eight hours away. EIGHT. are you kidding me?!

its fine. really, i'm handling it well. (thats a lie)

i have never been so proud of a person as i am of emily though. and this goes way back to the days of high school when we would talk on the phone every day from 3 until dinner time, and sleepover with each other every weekend. upcomming projects, papers, tests, exams, etc were often topic of conversation. emily has always been one of the smartest people i know, and it has always made me incredibly proud to have a friend as intelligent as she. true story: i didnt learn many of today's standard english grammar rules until she became my best friend. i could go on and on about emily's accomplishments, but i think that if she ever read this blog entry, she would kill me.

 she's very humble, another lesson i've learned from my best friend. there is an episode of "how i met your mother" that describes how in every relationship there is a "reacher" and a "settler." one person is lucky to have "reached" someone that far out of their league, and the other has "settled" a bit from their potential. emily is definitely the settler in our friendship, and i am defintely the lucky reacher. i don't deserve a friend as great as emily. again, i could go on and on, but what anything and everything i have to say boils down to the simple fact that i am blessed to have emily in my life, let alone as my best friend. 

its common for a person who spends any amount of time with us to make the statement, "yall are the same person." its great to know that there is a person in the world who knows exactly what you're thinking with just a look, or can finish your sentence before you even say the first word. emily and i have gone long amounts of time without speaking, and each time we've come out of it closer and more alike. picking up where we've left off has never been an issue for us because honestly, we never really leave off. god has blessed me with a best friend that can understand me even when we arent speaking to each other.

one week from tomorrow, my best friend will leave for fayetteville to begin her next adventure. and one week from tomorrow you will find me sitting in my lifeway cubical, bawling my eyes out, worrying about the next five years of living outside of reasonable driving distance from em. okay, forget the next five years. i'm really just worried about finishing out my summer at lifeway without her literally by my side. she's also attends most family functions with me, and i'm not really looking forward to going to those without her either. i'm just really selfish like that :)

though this has been written from the perspective that i'm burying our friendship as of next thursday, i really am excited for emily.
i'm excited to hear about all of the, uhhhhhh, interesting people she will meet in arkansas.
i'm excited to hear about her teaching endeavors.
i'm excited to hear about, and meet any and all new friends that come her way.
and i'm excited to hear about all of the new math she's going to learn (okay, maybe not).
but most of all i'm excited for our friendship to begin its own new adventure. as much as i hate growing up, i'm looking forward to growing up with my best friend and sharing all of that with her. even if it is from eight hours away.

woo pig. woooooooo pig.

a little late in the game.

i'm aware of what you all are thinking...
"why in the world is becca starting a blog titled 'let the journey begin' a year after graduating college."

well, i'll tell you why.
i love to make plans. i love coming up with wonderful things i'm going to do in my life, and then box myself in to only follow that one track. when i was 18, i accepted a call into ministry and immediately developed this plan for my life that included earning an education degree from samford, followed by earning a master's degree from a southern baptist seminary, and finally becoming a super successful children's minister. when i was 20, and halfway through accomplishing stepping stone numero uno, i decided that i wanted to take a year off after i graduated from undergrad in order to save money for the "big move" which i decided would be to north carolina so that i could attend southeastern seminary. around that same time i decided that after serving in children's ministry for a bit, i ultimately wanted to end up working in any of the children's areas at lifeway christian resources.

so there it was.
i was 20 (almost 21) and had my entire life planned out.
goal one-graduate from samford was accomplished last may.
onto goal two-take a year off, then head off to southeastern.
this last year i've worked really hard as a children's intern at fbc, as a barista at the bucks, as an expert nanny/babysitter for various adorable ankle biters, and now as an intern at lifeway.

but, as i learned at the beginning of my senior year at samford, god has other plans.
and god's plans dont always include my plans. i learned this painful lesson again last week as i made the decision to not move to north carolina next month and begin my full time seminary student career.


which brings me to this moment.
finding a "big girl job" is a frightening endeavor. 
and though its cliche (and i HATE cliches) i'm learning how to let go, and let god.