recently.

i'm just going to throw this out there...job searching SUCKS.
i feel like i've been baited, hooked, and released so many times in the last few weeks. i'm trying so hard to be patient and trust, but boy oh boy is it difficult.

i'm just ready to grow up.
this whole last year, when i was waiting around and gearing up for this epic life changing move that didnt happen, made me feel so awkward about my life. i was in such an in between that i became restless and resentful. well, that epic life changing move didnt happen, and here i sit still feeling awkward and stuck. it seems like the solution should be easy. i have a teaching degree (and  have the certification to accompany it), so why dont i just teach? and if i have to answer that question one more time, i will probably start pulling my hair out. the thought of teaching gives me an ulcer. its not my calling. dont get me wrong, i LOVED being in the classroom during all of our clinicals, internships, student teaching, and all those other 1000s of classroom hours during my time at samford.

but lets be real, i really just wanted to be those kids best friend and i thrived off of the position of half-authority we had in the classroom. i didnt have to punish anyone, i could just be their bff. and thats how i know my heart is in ministry, because my passion is relationship building/sustaining, NOT discipline and structure and all the gross stuff that goes along with being a typical classroom teacher.

i'm still not quite sure what i want my official "career" to be. i am beginning to think i always want to have my hand in several different "buckets", because i love being busy and i love having lots of variety in my life. i do know this though: the world needs to get a better grip on this whole philosophy of "you need experience so thats why we arent hiring you." how in the hee haw do you expect me to get experience if you dont give me experience?!

wenches.

in other news, i had the pleasure of spending the 22nd anniversary of miss emily grace goins' birth with her in good ole fayetteville, arkansas.
what a stinking fantastic day that was.

the catfish hole..and arkansan must apparently!

becca's first catfish eating experience!

AND martin had a birthday, too! he's an old man. sorta.

get it....2 and 6....26!

we celebrated at chuy's with coordinated outfits, my parents, and the green chile super hero man. classy.

for the record, i feel very blessed through all of this awkward.
as franny says, "in the middle of my little mess, i forget how big i'm blessed."

the great job search of 2011

when i decided to quit my full time seminary student career before it started, i more or less had a panic attack about what my "job" would be. i mean, i love love LOVE working at the bucks, but lets be real-i can't do that the rest of my life.

at one point in this process, i had options. almost too many options.
and now i havent heard a peep from anyone, in almost a week.

so, in short,
HHHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP.

boo pig.

(according to urban dictionary)
woo pig sooie: the main cheer shouted by fans of the university of arkansas razorbacks. generally, this is said three times, followed by "razorbacks". this is known as "calling the hogs."

ever since my best friend, emily grace goins, decided she would be moving to fayetteville, arkansas to begin her ph.d. program; i've been saying "woo pig" just about every time the subject came about in conversation. its really just a coping mechanism, though, seeing as every time the subject of the university of arkansas comes up in conversation, my stomach drops. woo pig nothing. boo that stupid pig for being the school to offer my super duper extra smart best friend the most money. why couldn't dumb tennessee "volunteer" her more money than arkansas. or even that ridiculous kentucky wildcat. but nnooo. the stupid pig, in the middle of no-mans-land, arkansas had to be the best option. eight hours away. EIGHT. are you kidding me?!

its fine. really, i'm handling it well. (thats a lie)

i have never been so proud of a person as i am of emily though. and this goes way back to the days of high school when we would talk on the phone every day from 3 until dinner time, and sleepover with each other every weekend. upcomming projects, papers, tests, exams, etc were often topic of conversation. emily has always been one of the smartest people i know, and it has always made me incredibly proud to have a friend as intelligent as she. true story: i didnt learn many of today's standard english grammar rules until she became my best friend. i could go on and on about emily's accomplishments, but i think that if she ever read this blog entry, she would kill me.

 she's very humble, another lesson i've learned from my best friend. there is an episode of "how i met your mother" that describes how in every relationship there is a "reacher" and a "settler." one person is lucky to have "reached" someone that far out of their league, and the other has "settled" a bit from their potential. emily is definitely the settler in our friendship, and i am defintely the lucky reacher. i don't deserve a friend as great as emily. again, i could go on and on, but what anything and everything i have to say boils down to the simple fact that i am blessed to have emily in my life, let alone as my best friend. 

its common for a person who spends any amount of time with us to make the statement, "yall are the same person." its great to know that there is a person in the world who knows exactly what you're thinking with just a look, or can finish your sentence before you even say the first word. emily and i have gone long amounts of time without speaking, and each time we've come out of it closer and more alike. picking up where we've left off has never been an issue for us because honestly, we never really leave off. god has blessed me with a best friend that can understand me even when we arent speaking to each other.

one week from tomorrow, my best friend will leave for fayetteville to begin her next adventure. and one week from tomorrow you will find me sitting in my lifeway cubical, bawling my eyes out, worrying about the next five years of living outside of reasonable driving distance from em. okay, forget the next five years. i'm really just worried about finishing out my summer at lifeway without her literally by my side. she's also attends most family functions with me, and i'm not really looking forward to going to those without her either. i'm just really selfish like that :)

though this has been written from the perspective that i'm burying our friendship as of next thursday, i really am excited for emily.
i'm excited to hear about all of the, uhhhhhh, interesting people she will meet in arkansas.
i'm excited to hear about her teaching endeavors.
i'm excited to hear about, and meet any and all new friends that come her way.
and i'm excited to hear about all of the new math she's going to learn (okay, maybe not).
but most of all i'm excited for our friendship to begin its own new adventure. as much as i hate growing up, i'm looking forward to growing up with my best friend and sharing all of that with her. even if it is from eight hours away.

woo pig. woooooooo pig.

a little late in the game.

i'm aware of what you all are thinking...
"why in the world is becca starting a blog titled 'let the journey begin' a year after graduating college."

well, i'll tell you why.
i love to make plans. i love coming up with wonderful things i'm going to do in my life, and then box myself in to only follow that one track. when i was 18, i accepted a call into ministry and immediately developed this plan for my life that included earning an education degree from samford, followed by earning a master's degree from a southern baptist seminary, and finally becoming a super successful children's minister. when i was 20, and halfway through accomplishing stepping stone numero uno, i decided that i wanted to take a year off after i graduated from undergrad in order to save money for the "big move" which i decided would be to north carolina so that i could attend southeastern seminary. around that same time i decided that after serving in children's ministry for a bit, i ultimately wanted to end up working in any of the children's areas at lifeway christian resources.

so there it was.
i was 20 (almost 21) and had my entire life planned out.
goal one-graduate from samford was accomplished last may.
onto goal two-take a year off, then head off to southeastern.
this last year i've worked really hard as a children's intern at fbc, as a barista at the bucks, as an expert nanny/babysitter for various adorable ankle biters, and now as an intern at lifeway.

but, as i learned at the beginning of my senior year at samford, god has other plans.
and god's plans dont always include my plans. i learned this painful lesson again last week as i made the decision to not move to north carolina next month and begin my full time seminary student career.


which brings me to this moment.
finding a "big girl job" is a frightening endeavor. 
and though its cliche (and i HATE cliches) i'm learning how to let go, and let god.